


Joel's a Bitch

by just_makeing_it_gay_97



Series: Jackson [23]
Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV) References, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:48:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26071411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_makeing_it_gay_97/pseuds/just_makeing_it_gay_97
Summary: Joel has a rather intensely bitchy relationship with a new member of Jackson.Aka, me finding all the Holt vs Wunch insults amazing, and I want Joel to be a bitch ❤️Jackson Part 23?? I think?
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Series: Jackson [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1801531
Comments: 3
Kudos: 73





	Joel's a Bitch

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 3am exhausted and more than a little tipsy, so take it with a grain of salt

Ellie always saw Joel as a strong individual, he took care of everyone with a level head and a calm attitude. That was until he met this woman, Maddie.

She was pretty, in her early 50's with blonde hair and harsh blue eyes. Whenever Joel was around her, it was like something changed. As if a petty demon had possessed him.

Dina had laughed at her, not believing her girlfriend at all on the matter, and even Jesse thought  _ level headed, cool as a cucumber, Joel,  _ could ever be petty.

"Fine!" She'd exclaimed, sitting up from her relaxed position on the sofa, pushing Dina, who'd been lying between her legs and against her chest, forwards with a disgruntled tut.

"If you don't believe me, I'll get you in on the town meeting."

Normally it was herself, Joel, Tommy and Maria at these meetings, discussing new plans or motives, but three months after her arrival, Maddie had found her way into the group. Ellie suspected it was Maria's doing, as the reaction she elicited from Joel was so chaotic.

Jesse looked excited, Dina shrugged.

"Cool, I love proving you wrong. I don't think Joel can even  _ be  _ bitchy _." _

Ellie snorted, leaning back and tapping her head.

"Ye of little faith, her ready to have your mind fuckin' blown!"

A day later, that very thing happened.

Jesse was standing behind Ellie's chair, leaning against it. Dina was comfortably perched on her lap, arm around her shoulders as the taller girl gently ran her fingers up her back.

Joel was talking with Tommy, his usual tone of amused uninterest comfortingly normal.

That's when Ellie tensed, tapped Dina's back and leant back to Jesse.

"Here she comes…"

Their eyes went to Joel, who sat up in his chair as the woman, Maddie, entered.

"Ah, Maddie. I wondered why all the bird's had stopped singing."

Dina's jaw dropped, Jesse found himself in a similar state. Ellie gave them both a look of ' _ See! It's fuckin' weird!' _

Maddie gave him a tight smile.

"Joel, I wondered what that smell was, nice to know you're still rooted to the chair."

He gestured Infront of him to the vacant chair.

"Care to sit? I'm sure you'd like to take some weight off of your cloven hooves."

"Calling me the devil, Joel? How original."

He smiled, it was uncaringly empty.

"Actually, I was calling you a goat. You goat."

Tommy sniggered and Maria rolled her eyes.

"Right, okay you two. Pack it in."

The rest of the meeting was boring, apart from a few jabs here and there. Dina and Jesse were in a haze, eyes wide and unseeing as Ellie guided them out by their hands.

"See? Told you he gets bitchy."

"My god…" Dina mumbled, Jesse finished for her.

"Joel's a bitch."

* * *

Jesse was nervous for his first one on one with Joel after the… well, the incident. They were on foot after leaving the horses behind, and he was replacing Ellie who was sick, being cared for by Dina.

Joel was in a bad mood, all frowns and stomping. Jesse didn't need to wait long to find out why.

"She beguiled my brother, using her womanly ways to make this route higher and more out of the way. Unbelievable, I don't even know how, he's in love with Maria."

Jesse wanted to make it less awkward, shrugging with his shotgun in his hands.

"Maybe she's an invincible succubus or something?"

Joel barked a laugh, making a bird fly away.

"Maddie isn't some invincible succubus, she's a regular succubus, so she can be defeated!"

A Stalker rushed out of the trees, Jesse landed it with a solid shot to the gut, Joel finished it off with a knife to the head.

"... Maybe I'm a little distracted right now."

Jesse didn't dare answer.

* * *

Ellie found it amusing, most of the time. Being stuck on patrol  _ with  _ Joel and Maddie? She wanted to run to the nearest Clicker and give it a big hug with how much they bickered.

Which is a huge possibility, considering their current situation. Ellie scuttled back to the two adults, Joel with a look of relief that she'd made it back in one piece.

"Four Clickers, eight Runners, and one pissed looking trash panda."

Neither laughed at her  _ hilarious  _ add on.

_ Damn, mistimed it. _

Maddie nodded, attaching a silencer to her pistol.

"So, let me guess on how this will go-"

Joel grunted, cutting her off.

"Don't count your gross fish babies before they've hatched, Maddie."

Ellie wanted to laugh, but  _ fuck,  _ really?!

"Joel!"

He shrugged, hopping over the wall and towards the infected.

* * *

Dina was in the new patrol hut with Maddie, a woman she was still confused about, but somewhat amused nonetheless.

The building was impressive, tall, and had been discovered by the same woman showing her about.

"Impressive, hm?"

Dina grinned, looking down through the window.

_ Ellie is gonna love this! _

"Yeah, it's impressive-"

The heavy feet came behind her, and the women turned as their relief arrived.

_ Oh, wow, okay. _

Ellie walked over giving her a hug, Joel looking around, acting entirely unimpressed, something Maddie seemed to relish in.

"Well, Joel. Do you like my new look out? Five stories high."

He nodded, pursing his lips.

"Here it comes…"

He cut Ellie's whisper off.

"Impressive, I never thought I'd see you this high without a broom under you."

_ I wonder if I'd die from this height… _

Ellie must be telepathic, 'cuz she grabbed Dina's wrist and pulled her firmly into her side. Her eyes spoke what her mouth wouldn't.

_ If I have to deal with this bitch, you do too. _

* * *

Ellie really loved Joel, and sharing these weird meetings with him and her girlfriend was always sweet. The three had a lot of fun, talking about random things and genuinely laughing together.

"Hello Joel, you're looking old and sickly."

_ Had to change though, didn't it? _

"So nice of you to notice, Maddie. I thought you would still be stuck under that house in Munchkinland."

Dina slumped against her side, kissing Ellie's shoulder with a horrified groan.

"Why does this always happen?"

"I don't know, babe. Maybe they can't help it."

This didn't stop the adults.

"Sticks and stones, Joel."

"Describing your breakfast?"

"That's it!"

They stopped, looking at Ellie as she stood, pulling Dina behind her with a jerk.

"We're leaving! You guys just need to figure out if you're gonna fuck or fight, I don't care anymore! Babe, we're going!"

"El-Ellie-!"

Dina gave a wave and he watched them leave the bar.

* * *

"It's just difficult seeing you as a normal person when she's around, it's like you become possessed with somethin' evil."

Joel grumbles, tapping his knuckles against the table in her home. She was sat opposite, arms crossed with a scowl of disapproval.

_ Where in the hell did she learn that look? _

"Yes, I... should be the bigger person."

Ellie sighed, dropping the look as a grin took over.

"That's so good to hear, it's so awkward to see how you flir-"

"- Which won't be hard, as Maddie isn't, technically, a human."

Ellie groaned, standing with a violent motion.

"Out!"

"Yeah, that's fair."

* * *

Joel had apologised for his behaviour, wanting to make it up to the girl he saw as a daughter. They were in his garden, which was also Ellie's front lawn, with a barbecue set up and some steaks over the flame.

Dina and Jesse had reluctantly joined, both sitting rather close to Ellie, which she found beyond amusing.

The evening had been going well, until the sound of a throat clearing reached them.

"You actually got him to cook for me? Well well well, you suit being a shrivelled husk of your own respect, Joel."

Said man dramatically gasped, looking over his shoulder.

"Look, Ellie... is that a talking raisin?"

"Okay, I'm over this."

The young girl stood, took a bottle of whiskey from her side and threw it at Joel. Thankfully he caught it.

"You two are gonna sit here and figure whatever this is out, I'm going to save these two from another bitch off."

She pointed at them both.

"Fix it! Come on, guys, let's go watch some films."

"Oh thank  _ GOD _ !"

Jesse was in her house in seconds, Dina having the courtesy to give an awkward wave before grabbing Ellie's hand and dragging them to the home.

* * *

A week later and they were getting ready to patrol, when Joel and Maddie arrived at the stables together.

A pin drop could be heard as they approached.

"Yes, that's a good point. I'll have to send more patrols that way."

"Thank you for considering it."

"Of course, it would be foolish not to."

"Indeed, have a good evening."

"You too."

They nod, and Maddie walks away. The silence is booming, and Joel can't fathom why.

"Is everything alright?"

"What the  _ fuck  _ was that?!"

The man gave Ellie a dull look, shrugging as he saddled up his horse.

"What? Can't you understand a rational conversation when you hear one? Maybe that says more about you than it does me."

He winked, to soften the blow, and lead his horse outside. Ellie was in shock, mouth hanging open as Dina rubbed her arm comfortingly, watching him leave.

"Did… did he just?"

Ellie interrupted.

"He's a bitch… to  _ me _ now. Oh no, what have I done?"

Her look of unbridled terror was more than  _ slightly _ hilarious to her girlfriend. She patted her arm with a look of faux pity.

"Don't worry about it, you grackle."

She gasps.

" _ Dina!" _


End file.
